The Hellhound Sample by Charles Shaar Murray

Author:Charles Shaar Murray
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Headpress

SIXTEEN

LOS ANGELES, AUTUMN 2004

“How you doin’, young man?”

His grandfather’s voice sounded a little strange: weaker, hoarser than Calvin remembered.

“Same shit, different day,” he replied. “How you doin’, gramps?” “That’s what I’m callin’ about. I need you to get your rich Hollywood

ass down to my crib.”

“When?”

“How ’bout now?”

“We-e-e-lll…”

Ensconced behind his creamy maple desk in his snowblinding white office, Calvin was feeling antsy. Screwdriver and Omega Man were turning into a major pain in the ass. They’d just had three dates in England cancelled on them because of that damn Battyman 9/11 track, and their Lock N Load album wasn’t even out yet. He could see all the time and money he’d invested in launching them about to go up in a cloud of ganja smoke unless he could lean on the muthafuckas to pull the single. Fuck that, they didn’t just have to pull the single, they needed to issue a statement apologising for it and disowning all those kill-queers lyrics or else they’d never work England or most of the rest of Europe ever again. They’d backed down on including the single on the album, just as Calvin had known they would before the meeting at the Mondrian, but that was about as far as they were prepared to go.

He’d just gotten through drafting a terse statement of his own at the request of Lock N Load’s international distributors, who could see a shitstorm coming and didn’t want any of it splattering on them. Specifically, they didn’t want any of it impeding their shareholders’ chances of carrying home a nice fat dividend this year.

Thus far, he’d written: “Screwdriver and Omega Man’s song Battyman 9/11 will not be included on their forthcoming Lock N Load album Dance Pon The Ashes, Lock N Load CEO Calvin Holland confirmed today. ‘Battyman 9/11 was recorded and released independently in Jamaica after we signed Screwdriver and Omega Man,’ he said. ‘Domestic Jamaican releases are not covered by the terms of our contract with them. Lock N Load was unaware of this song and its content until it was already available to the Jamaican public, and elsewhere via import and download. At no time was it ever considered for release by us. Lock N Load Productions unequivocally dissociates itself from this record and considers its content totally unacceptable. We will be giving very serious consideration to the future of our professional relationship with Screwdriver and Omega Man.’”

So Calvin had a situation on his hands. He’d worked his ass off on that album and despite what he’d told Jethro and Julian, the tracks he’d produced had been so absolutely tailor-made for the Jamaican duo’s idiosyncratic dancehall chat that he’d have to work his ass off all over again to get the tracks sounding anywhere near as good with anyone else fronting them. Plus his street sense told him that dropping the act and pulling the album was gonna make him look like some pussy-ass sell-out. Problem was that now that Lock N Load had sucked the corporate

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